V+A+C+A+T+I+O+N=FEAR

So, after my exciting weekend last weekend, I have to admit that I am super nervous about this weekend.

Usually I am pumped for vacations, which for us, usually mean a road trip to visit family - at their houses. It's familiar.

However, this weekend will be different. On Friday our family will be heading up to a hotel/casino/resort for a family reunion. Honestly, the thought staying in a hotel and eating out for 4 days scares me. Alot! I have worked hard and don't want to go backwards. Even "healthy" choices at restaurants have way more sodium (and even calories) than something comparable from my kitchen. But, I don't want to be a downer either. This is the first time my kids will be at a hotel or have ever enjoyed a weekend like this.

How can I be successful this weekend? Help friends! What do you do to make the most out of your vacations without going backward?

How Do You Start a Weekend?

Usually, I don't start on the scale (Wednesday is my day), but this week was different. I have been teetering near the 30 lbs. lost mark for a few weeks. It has been taunting me. So, after a very careful week, I jumped on the scale Saturday morning. I was pumped to see 162.0. That, my friends, means that I have lost 30.2 lbs! Needless to say, it was a great start to my HEALTHY WEEKEND!

Not Ruining Tomorrow

While reading a book this afternoon, a statement by the author really struck me.

"I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday, and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful day." - Gary Chapman

The book was referring to relationships, however, for me it also seems fitting for my healthiness journey. I have been losing and gaining the same 2 pounds for the past month. Here are two things that I have come to realize that I need to work on:

* What it means to deserve something - working out or being under my calorie goal doesn't mean that I "deserve" a treat, because really that treat is empty calories and soon to be guilt. I deserve to be healthy and happy, even if that means declining a treat.

* No ruining today with yesterday - just because I screwed up yesterday doesn't mean that I need to dwell on it today (or fall off the path). Adversely, just because I may have had a great day previously, that is no reason to stop fighting today.

Each day of this journey is a choice and I need to give it my best effort!

How are you going to have success today?

Letting Go...

This has been an emotional week. Disappointment. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Letting go...

On Friday I received an email from my father stating that he was in town (something about last minute trip to use frequent flyer miles). We haven't had the closest relationship, but he is my father and it is nice to catch up when he is in town.

Through email (yes, so personal, I know...)we set plans for Saturday afternoon. He was going to call when he was on his way over. Well, we had a picture appointment at 10:00. Our appointment finished and I still hadn't heard from him. The kids and I headed to lunch. Still no call. At 1:30 we got home and Soph and I laid down for a rest. Still no phone call...

A little after 2:00 my phone rang. I didn't answer it because my daughter was asleep on my arm. The voicemail icon appeared and I listened to my message. It was my father. He wasn't going to be able to make it over - he had so much fun on Friday night that he was just getting up. And, since they had other dinner plans, we'd have to maybe get together on a different night. "Call me," he said.

I didn't call.

I was disappointed.

Disappointment quickly turned to anger.

"Seriously, he doesn't know how to set an alarm?" was my first thought. And then flashbacks of elementary and middle school where he'd say he'd be somewhere and then not show up. There was always a reason - traffic, working late, another commitment...By high school I stopped inviting him to school events. If he didn't know, then he wouldn't say he'd be there and get my hopes up, and ultimately I wouldn't get hurt because I knew he wasn't going to come.

Sad!

A few years ago something similar happened and he showed up hours late to our house because he was spending time with his wife's children. I laid my feelings out. I explained that grandparents are held in high regard in our house and that my children honestly only think that they have 4 (and he's not one that they count). He needed to step it up, or step out. My words were, "you aren't going to make them feel as unimportant as you make me feel."

He swore he never meant it. Then there were some excuses. But, ultimately he said he would work on it.

Nothing has changed since that conversation.

The kids refer to him as "uncle _______." I don't correct them. This weekend reminded me why.

So, back to my weekend. I tried get over my hurt feelings. To let it go because he's never going to have his family priorities the same as mine - he's never going to get how I feel...

Sunday I received another email. He mentioned that I hadn't called him to set up alternative plans. He even left his phone number...

So, I called.

I needed to have my peace.

Again, I explained that he was right. I didn't call him back the day before because I was mad. I was hurt. I was disappointed. There was no reason that I had to explain to Ty and Soph that he wasn't coming over (leaving out because he slept in....and could blow off our plans, but not any other plans that he made with friends). I reminded him that that 4 and 6 year old are the lights of my life, and he wasn't going to make them feel unimportant. I ended by stating that if he couldn't step up and be a grandparent and make them a priority that there was no need to return my call.

He hasn't called...

Although I feel relieved because I was honest with him, it still hurts. Even a message of "I'm sorry I blew you off", or "your wrong," or anything would have been better than nothing.

But, I guess that's my signal. Once again I am not a priority in my own father's life. So, I am letting go...

Letting go of the frustration.

Letting go of the hurt.

Letting go of my father.

And, hopefully one day letting go of the sadness and disappointment....

Green Thumbs

What would you do on a beautiful, hot, sunny Saturday night?

Maybe go to the pool?

Hang out at the lake?

The Edwards? We planted! I know, I know, not the most glamorous way to spend a summer Saturday night, but the kids, Mommy, Daddy, and Bucca, cousin extraordinaire, did just that.

Sophie and Daddy Planting the Peas

Tyler and Daddy Planting the Cucumbers


Sophie and Bucca planting the pumpkin (this was the only one that I could find without Sophie being a "plumber")

The fully completed garden, post planting. The boxes are laid out as follows

Left Box - Cantaloupe, Tomatoes (Cherry/Salsa/Big Pink), Peppers (Habanero/Jalapeno/Bell), Beans
Small Box - Cucumbers
Middle Box - Watermelon, Carrots, Garlic, Beets (for Greatsie), Beans
Small Box - Spaghetti Squash
Right Box - Pumpkin (Orange/White), Radish (for Grandma Sue), Onion, Lettuce (Leaf/Romaine), Broccoli

The Garbage Can is Garbage Can Potatoes
http://www.ehow.com/how_5826337_grow-potatoes-barrel-sawdust.html
Jon originally heard this idea from Don Shelby on WCCO... now it is our turn to give it a try!

We (as in Dad) have turned our deck into an herb garden, with three deck rail planters and 4 potted herbs

Our Potted Herbs
Sage, Rosemary, Mint, and Thyme (left to right)

These are our Walmart deck-rail planters, with Coconut Hair Liner.
This photo is of our Cilantro. We also have two more planters with Basil (Sweet and Regular) and oregano.

More posts will follow this summer, either here or on my family blog. Stay tuned for garden growing and harvesting updates!