#PFP5K (Challenge Hearts and Minds)

Do you know that song that gets sung at the end of every Dora episode? The "We did it" song that celebrates the accomplishment of the day? Well, that song has been going through my head repeatedly today - because I DID IT! I completed my first official 5K!

A few months ago the idea of walking/running a 5K was mentioned on Twitter and nearly overnight the most incredible and supportive group was created - #PriorFatPack.

Sabrina was the one who blogged about the PFP and mentioned that if others were interested to let her know. I knew if I didn't jump at this opportunity - to join an encouraging and fun group - I'd never do a 5K. So I commented, and she welcomed me into the group. When I first registered for the 5K and joined the PFP, I had no idea how important this group would become to me. It is more than a group completing a 5K. I had no idea how much I would really come to think of them as friends, and how I am rooting for each one of them to accomplish great things!

Right before the start of the race. I was runner 154, and here are two of my most adorable fans.

This was during the first of two laps. Honestly, the first mile was the worst for me today. I knew that I should be able to atleast get to the 1st mile marker without walking. It seemed forever until I saw that little white sign with a bright '1' painted on it. Then I figured that I should keep running past the crowd. Once I did that, I figured I wasn't far from mile marker 2. I kept going, and once I passed the 2, I knew I'd be disappointed if I let myself walk (since I still was capable of jogging). Today I realized how mental running really is. I love it!

Closing in on the finish line...

My official time - 39:13. I jogged the entire race and was so proud of myself, and I came in under 40 minutes. Previously, I'd only run 20 minutes or just about 1.5 miles without walking.

Jen, me, Lindsay and Ann. Serious amount of support in this group.

Jen and Ann - two of the most empathetic and fashionable ladies I know.

The Pack! And as Kris would say, "Rawr!"

I can't wait to see what else is instore for this group.

Two of the most selfless people I have ever met! Liz and Kris are so giving of not only support, but also time. I was so glad to be able to get to know each of them a bit more this weekend.

The biggest moment for me today was listening to Elle talk to Jen. Jen asked how Elle she felt about completing the 5K. Elle replied with, "It was great. I can do something that normal people do." At that point a woman leaned over and said, "No, you just did what alot of normal people can't do!"

Thank you, #PriorFatPack for encouraging me and inspiring me! I am so blessed to know each one of you!!

Playing Catch-Up

Darn the wheel of the world! Why must it continually turn over? Where is the reverse gear? ~Jack London

With the end of the school year approaching (only 11 days left), the #PFP5K on the horizon, and children's activities in full swing, I seem to have slipped. Become unbalanced. I neglected blogging. So, I am sorry for my absence, and without further ado, here is what I have been up to:

School: Our year is quickly coming to an end, but last Friday we had an awesome opportunity. I nominated my class to read bonus questions on "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" at the WUCW station, and they were selected. After weeks of memorizing and preparing, our field trip was a success, and my students will be aired during June and July. So proud!

#PFP5K: The 5K is Memorial Day. The past two weeks I had let my exercise slip...as in, I didn't really do anything. This week, with motivation from all the PFPers, I got my groove back. I have now completed week 5 of c25k. I stepped off the comforts of the treadmill and ran outside for the first (and second) time and even ran 20 minutes without stopping. I am feeling strong. I am feeling like a runner! Oh my....did I really just type that? :-)

Family activities: Soccer season is in full swing for my son and husband, and my daughter is gearing up for the upcoming spring recital. These are crazy, busy times that I love...even when it means rushed dinners and missed exercise classes.

Weigh-in: 164.6 (-27.6 lbs.) I have made progress, but it has been slow going recently. Honestly this week has been a bit of a struggle. I have been hungry~I want to eat, but I want to eat things that I don't have self control with. I am working through it. After eating 6 oreos (and going over my calorie goal) the other night, I realized that they were only ok...and they didn't make me feel better. Actually they made me feel worse. Guilty. So, I am trying to remember that "let down" as I trudge through this week. It will get better, and I will learn from my mistakes and challenges.

Lazy Man Triathlon: While at the Y a week or so ago, I signed up for the Lazy Man triathlon. I have 6 weeks to complete 112 biking, 26.2 running, and 2.5 swimming. The part that I like best is that you can take some classes to count towards your completion. I can take a spin class and it counts for 12 miles. BodyStep counts towards running. Also, you can do the activities with or without equipment. I am hoping that stepping out of my comfort zone, and trying new classes, will help me reach my goal weight by the end of summer. Signing up for the PFP5K showed me how much support there is, and how trying new things can prove way beyond beneficial - they can be life changing!

Goodbye 24

192.2-168.2=24 lbs. lost!

Fit and Validation

Yesterday I weighed myself. The scale read 170.4. But, as the day went on, I got nervous. Maybe I read it wrong. Maybe it said 174.0. By last night I had convinced myself that because I hadn't worked out in days and I was near or just over my calories all week, that I must have made a mistake.

Sometimes the mental part of this journey is the worst. It tries to get the best of me.

This morning I got on the scale again (I know...don't weigh yourself day, and usually I don't). I had to prove to myself that it wasn't 174. It read 168.6! A new set of tens!

With the confirmed number, I thought today would be a great day to try the smaller jeans (size 12) that I bought a couple weeks ago. They buttoned when I bought them, but they weren't comfortable because they were still tight around my middle.

When I put them on, they fit.

I am wearing them and honestly am still in a bit of disbelief. They aren't loose. They hug my body. I know that's how they should be. But, for some reason not having the mental comfort of loose fitting pants, my brain today is thinking that I am back to where I was 23 pounds ago (when 16s were fitting snuggly).

It's like when my pants were loose it was some kind of validation for my mind. A daily reminder that I had lost weight. Today with pants that fit, that validation is gone. It's a strange feeling. I honestly know I should be feeling proud of my accomplishments thus far, instead of doubting where I am. Oy!

Has anyone else experienced this feeling when you actually wear clothes that fit? How did you overcome it? Do share. Thanks, friends, for all of your help and support!

The Mile (and Other Random News)

Saturday I experienced something I have never experienced before. Ever.

I ran an entire mile.

Sure, I have completely plenty of miles, but all the previous ones included walking breaks (or even walking the whole thing).

In the morning I went to BodyStep class at the YMCA. I love being pushed (positively) by the instructors, and engaging all or my muscles, but after class I still had this nagging in my brain to try the treadmill.

So in a NSV, I actually got on a machine after my 60 minute class. That was another first - sad, but true.

Once on the treadmill I decided to see if I could run the first 5 minutes straight. I did. And then I tried to make minute six. I did. At that point I has almost to 1/2 a mile, so the mind game started. Could I really run the whole mile? The answer was YES!! It took me 13.28, but I did it. I ran for 13 minutes and completed a mile.

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In other news, or lack thereof, I haven't worked out since Saturday. It's on the agenda for tonight after the kiddos are in bed.

And, today was weigh-in Wednesday. Nothing really changed, and I am still at 170.

I need to find a new workout schedule that works for me and the family(now that swimming lessons and soccer practice have been changed or added to the mix). Hopefully I can tinker with it this week so that next week will be more consistant.

What are your current goals on this journey?

Just a Quick Note...

...to say I did it! I donated 6 stuffed, garbage sized bags, full of clothes.

Honestly, as my husband drove us to the donation site, my head was swirling inside. Second guessing myself about wanting to get rid of them - you know, instead of just putting them in the crawl space.

But, once they were out of the car it was almost freeing! I never have an excuse to wear any of those clothes again. I never have an excuse to be that big again. That's huge.

And, with no more excuses, I am continuing to move on with this journey!

Not an Ideal Situation

Being fat, losing weight, putting it back on, and then trying to lose it again is not an ideal situation.

I grew up fat. I was always one of the biggest girls in my class. My friends, for the most part, never made my weight a big deal. But I wasn't stupid. I couldn't shop where they did or wear what they wore.

I vividly remember when I joined my HS tennis team. We all go issued tennis skirts and their wasn't on in my size. I took the largest on they had (probably a size 12/14 - I was a size 18/20) and my Grandma graciously made a pattern and created an identical, but larger skirt for me. I paniced turning in shirt order forms because I didn't want people to know that I needed an XXL. Sometimes that size wasn't even offered.

Then senior year I took all my stress and anxiety about school and going to college and controlled the one thing that I could. My diet. I began exercising and eating right. I lost weight and loved the feeling of not being the fat girl. As the year progressed and college drew near I clung to weightloss. I exercised excessively. I restricted my food intake, and I popped diet pills like candy. I graduated wearing a size 10 and weighing around 145. I was skinny, but far from healthy!

So, when I met Jon (my darling husband) and began to regain real control of my life, I obviously put on some weight. The first few pounds I knew would happen. I was feeding my body again. Those were needed additions. Then a few more pounds stuck during our engagement. I wanted to lose a some weight before our wedding (I was around 165, size 14) but had already ordered my dress, and decided to lose it later that summer. That didn't happen.

In early 2004 I got pregnant. I ate healthy and put on the reccommended weight. Life was great. Two weeks after having Tyler I was around 180 (a size 16) and I couldn't lose anymore. I was working full time, going to school full time, and raising an infant son. Life was crazy. I gave myself a pass...but honestly, I didn't know where to begin. The only way I'd ever been successful with actually losing weight in the past was by extreme measures. I knew that I couldn't do that again. So, I did nothing but justify my size. I figured that a size 16 was better than the 20 I once was.

A couple years passed. We had a daughter, Sophie. I still only managed to get back to a size 16. And there I sat...for the past 3 1/2 years.

Now I am not a size 16. I am no longer stuck in the 180's.

I am working on truly being healthy. Balanced.

But, because of my past, I have had a hard time mentally with my recent progress. I am mindful that I need to keep moving forward. Challenging myself. I don't want to ever again think that something is okay, because atleast it's not as bad as it once was. If it's not fantastic, then fix it!

However, I don't know what to do with all the clothes - 7 years worth - that I removed from my closet. I don't want bins of clothing laying around. I don't want them filling up my closet. But, I don't know how to part with them. I keep thinking about what would happen if I put the weight back on. I have no intention of, but the thought of failure is still very real for me.

Being fat, losing weight, putting it back on, and then trying to lose it again is not an ideal situation but, that's the situation that I'm in. And, I'm learning how to work through it.