Weigh-in Wednesday

Yearly

Roughly a year ago I wrote this:

"Recently, I went to the doctor for my yearly exam. It was the first time I’d gone in three years! Crazy how time flies…As I was speaking with the doctor, our conversation went something like this:

Dr.: Do you take a calcium supplement?

Me: No

Dr.: Do you take a multi-vitamin including vitamin D?

Me: Um…no.

Dr.: How often weekly do you exercise for at least 30 minutes?

Me: Maybe one. (By this point I wanted to crawl under the chair)

Dr.: Do you have any concerns?

Me: No, not really.

Dr: Well, I’m glad that you came in today. It’s important that, even as busy moms, we take time to for ourselves.

Her comments resonated with me. I need to make my health a priority – that includes exercising, eating right, taking vitamins, and going for regular checkups! I need to for me, and I need to be an example for my family."

Even after that appointment, I still wasn't ready to make changes in my life. It took me a few months of processing this experience before I was ready to stop making excuses and start making changes.

I bring this up, because yesterday I had my yearly physical. As any girl can attest, it's not something that one looks forward too. Although I wasn't thrilled about the "personal" part of the appointment, I was elated to see my doctor. To show her that I have changed. To prove that I have made my health a priority.

Yesterday our converstation started like this:

Doctor: Well, hello skinny.

Me: I am working on it!

D: You are looking good. How have you been?

Me: Good. Things are well. I am ready to answer all of your questions and I won't feel like such a heal this time. :-)

D: Oh, I can tell that you have made changes. I know that the past couple of years were tough with your job and small children. We all have times when our in our life when health isn't really the focus. I am glad that things have turned around for you.

This choice, to be healthy, isn't easy. But being overweigh wasn't either. Today, I am thankful for the changes I have made and I look forward to more success and struggles as I continue. I am already looking forward to next year - maybe I'll be able to tell my doctor I completed a marathon (or atleast a 1/2 marathon...)!

Have you had a time in the last year where you wanted some redemption regarding your health? What did you do to get it?

SMART Goals

I joined a challenge last week that will last through the holidays. Mary, at Fit this, Girl, is heading up the effort - The Reverse Resolution Challenge. I heard Mary speak last August at a PFG One Step, One Breath event and she was real, honest, and encouraging.

My journey has been flat lately, so this opportunity seemed like something that would be beneficial to me. I am hoping that by having Mary for accountability, this will get me back on track. Mary asked the participants to send her two goals (that follow SMART criteria) that we'll be working on during the challenge.

Here are my goals:

Goal one: better fuel my body by returning to tracking all my food and making sure that it includes 4 vegetables and 2 fruits daily.

Goal two: prepare for a half marathon in the spring by increasing my activities to five days a week - three runs a week (two short, one long) and two other activities (body step, body pump, or weights at the YMCA or workout DVD at home).

Did you join Mary's reverse resolution challenge? What goals do you have to get through the holiday season successfully?

Weigh-in Wednesday

This is what the scale read today...

Honestly, it's not my lowest weight - it's 2.2lbs up from my lowest, but it's been steady here for the past two weeks. I want the number to go down, my activity level to increase, and my food choices to more consistantly healthy.

Yesterday I signed up for Mary's (at Fit, this girl) reverse revolution challenge. I received my first email today about what the challenge consists of - it starts with making two SMART goals. I am busy pondering my goals (choosing only two that will be attainable) and will be posting them tomorrow...

What goals to you have to get through the holiday season healthfully?

Absense Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I apologize for my unexpected blogging absense. I have no good reason - life just got busy.

July - spent the weeks soaking up time with my kids.
August - school started (as I teach in a year round program), and with a new reading cirruculum and a multiage class work never seems to end...
September - school, the kids' sports, and lesson proved to be an adjustment for everyone.
October - report cards and conferences at school, and finally the beginning of our fall break.

During the past 4 months, I struggled to fit it all in, and sadly blogging was the piece that had to temporarily be put aside. However, I count that as a #NSV...I chose to skip blogging, instead of skipping making healthy lifestyle choices.

I have been around the 155-158lb range for a few months now. Tuesday and Thursday nights are scheduled running nights with a friend. And, I continue to try and make healthy food choices (although some days are much easier than others).

To all my blogging friends - I apologize for the lack of comments and support. I have been following your journeys and appreciate reading your stories. I will get better at commenting. Promise!

I am ready to welcome November with open arms - new goals and renewed motivation...stay tuned.

V+A+C+A+T+I+O+N=FEAR

So, after my exciting weekend last weekend, I have to admit that I am super nervous about this weekend.

Usually I am pumped for vacations, which for us, usually mean a road trip to visit family - at their houses. It's familiar.

However, this weekend will be different. On Friday our family will be heading up to a hotel/casino/resort for a family reunion. Honestly, the thought staying in a hotel and eating out for 4 days scares me. Alot! I have worked hard and don't want to go backwards. Even "healthy" choices at restaurants have way more sodium (and even calories) than something comparable from my kitchen. But, I don't want to be a downer either. This is the first time my kids will be at a hotel or have ever enjoyed a weekend like this.

How can I be successful this weekend? Help friends! What do you do to make the most out of your vacations without going backward?

How Do You Start a Weekend?

Usually, I don't start on the scale (Wednesday is my day), but this week was different. I have been teetering near the 30 lbs. lost mark for a few weeks. It has been taunting me. So, after a very careful week, I jumped on the scale Saturday morning. I was pumped to see 162.0. That, my friends, means that I have lost 30.2 lbs! Needless to say, it was a great start to my HEALTHY WEEKEND!

Not Ruining Tomorrow

While reading a book this afternoon, a statement by the author really struck me.

"I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday, and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful day." - Gary Chapman

The book was referring to relationships, however, for me it also seems fitting for my healthiness journey. I have been losing and gaining the same 2 pounds for the past month. Here are two things that I have come to realize that I need to work on:

* What it means to deserve something - working out or being under my calorie goal doesn't mean that I "deserve" a treat, because really that treat is empty calories and soon to be guilt. I deserve to be healthy and happy, even if that means declining a treat.

* No ruining today with yesterday - just because I screwed up yesterday doesn't mean that I need to dwell on it today (or fall off the path). Adversely, just because I may have had a great day previously, that is no reason to stop fighting today.

Each day of this journey is a choice and I need to give it my best effort!

How are you going to have success today?

Letting Go...

This has been an emotional week. Disappointment. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Letting go...

On Friday I received an email from my father stating that he was in town (something about last minute trip to use frequent flyer miles). We haven't had the closest relationship, but he is my father and it is nice to catch up when he is in town.

Through email (yes, so personal, I know...)we set plans for Saturday afternoon. He was going to call when he was on his way over. Well, we had a picture appointment at 10:00. Our appointment finished and I still hadn't heard from him. The kids and I headed to lunch. Still no call. At 1:30 we got home and Soph and I laid down for a rest. Still no phone call...

A little after 2:00 my phone rang. I didn't answer it because my daughter was asleep on my arm. The voicemail icon appeared and I listened to my message. It was my father. He wasn't going to be able to make it over - he had so much fun on Friday night that he was just getting up. And, since they had other dinner plans, we'd have to maybe get together on a different night. "Call me," he said.

I didn't call.

I was disappointed.

Disappointment quickly turned to anger.

"Seriously, he doesn't know how to set an alarm?" was my first thought. And then flashbacks of elementary and middle school where he'd say he'd be somewhere and then not show up. There was always a reason - traffic, working late, another commitment...By high school I stopped inviting him to school events. If he didn't know, then he wouldn't say he'd be there and get my hopes up, and ultimately I wouldn't get hurt because I knew he wasn't going to come.

Sad!

A few years ago something similar happened and he showed up hours late to our house because he was spending time with his wife's children. I laid my feelings out. I explained that grandparents are held in high regard in our house and that my children honestly only think that they have 4 (and he's not one that they count). He needed to step it up, or step out. My words were, "you aren't going to make them feel as unimportant as you make me feel."

He swore he never meant it. Then there were some excuses. But, ultimately he said he would work on it.

Nothing has changed since that conversation.

The kids refer to him as "uncle _______." I don't correct them. This weekend reminded me why.

So, back to my weekend. I tried get over my hurt feelings. To let it go because he's never going to have his family priorities the same as mine - he's never going to get how I feel...

Sunday I received another email. He mentioned that I hadn't called him to set up alternative plans. He even left his phone number...

So, I called.

I needed to have my peace.

Again, I explained that he was right. I didn't call him back the day before because I was mad. I was hurt. I was disappointed. There was no reason that I had to explain to Ty and Soph that he wasn't coming over (leaving out because he slept in....and could blow off our plans, but not any other plans that he made with friends). I reminded him that that 4 and 6 year old are the lights of my life, and he wasn't going to make them feel unimportant. I ended by stating that if he couldn't step up and be a grandparent and make them a priority that there was no need to return my call.

He hasn't called...

Although I feel relieved because I was honest with him, it still hurts. Even a message of "I'm sorry I blew you off", or "your wrong," or anything would have been better than nothing.

But, I guess that's my signal. Once again I am not a priority in my own father's life. So, I am letting go...

Letting go of the frustration.

Letting go of the hurt.

Letting go of my father.

And, hopefully one day letting go of the sadness and disappointment....

Green Thumbs

What would you do on a beautiful, hot, sunny Saturday night?

Maybe go to the pool?

Hang out at the lake?

The Edwards? We planted! I know, I know, not the most glamorous way to spend a summer Saturday night, but the kids, Mommy, Daddy, and Bucca, cousin extraordinaire, did just that.

Sophie and Daddy Planting the Peas

Tyler and Daddy Planting the Cucumbers


Sophie and Bucca planting the pumpkin (this was the only one that I could find without Sophie being a "plumber")

The fully completed garden, post planting. The boxes are laid out as follows

Left Box - Cantaloupe, Tomatoes (Cherry/Salsa/Big Pink), Peppers (Habanero/Jalapeno/Bell), Beans
Small Box - Cucumbers
Middle Box - Watermelon, Carrots, Garlic, Beets (for Greatsie), Beans
Small Box - Spaghetti Squash
Right Box - Pumpkin (Orange/White), Radish (for Grandma Sue), Onion, Lettuce (Leaf/Romaine), Broccoli

The Garbage Can is Garbage Can Potatoes
http://www.ehow.com/how_5826337_grow-potatoes-barrel-sawdust.html
Jon originally heard this idea from Don Shelby on WCCO... now it is our turn to give it a try!

We (as in Dad) have turned our deck into an herb garden, with three deck rail planters and 4 potted herbs

Our Potted Herbs
Sage, Rosemary, Mint, and Thyme (left to right)

These are our Walmart deck-rail planters, with Coconut Hair Liner.
This photo is of our Cilantro. We also have two more planters with Basil (Sweet and Regular) and oregano.

More posts will follow this summer, either here or on my family blog. Stay tuned for garden growing and harvesting updates!

#PFP5K (Challenge Hearts and Minds)

Do you know that song that gets sung at the end of every Dora episode? The "We did it" song that celebrates the accomplishment of the day? Well, that song has been going through my head repeatedly today - because I DID IT! I completed my first official 5K!

A few months ago the idea of walking/running a 5K was mentioned on Twitter and nearly overnight the most incredible and supportive group was created - #PriorFatPack.

Sabrina was the one who blogged about the PFP and mentioned that if others were interested to let her know. I knew if I didn't jump at this opportunity - to join an encouraging and fun group - I'd never do a 5K. So I commented, and she welcomed me into the group. When I first registered for the 5K and joined the PFP, I had no idea how important this group would become to me. It is more than a group completing a 5K. I had no idea how much I would really come to think of them as friends, and how I am rooting for each one of them to accomplish great things!

Right before the start of the race. I was runner 154, and here are two of my most adorable fans.

This was during the first of two laps. Honestly, the first mile was the worst for me today. I knew that I should be able to atleast get to the 1st mile marker without walking. It seemed forever until I saw that little white sign with a bright '1' painted on it. Then I figured that I should keep running past the crowd. Once I did that, I figured I wasn't far from mile marker 2. I kept going, and once I passed the 2, I knew I'd be disappointed if I let myself walk (since I still was capable of jogging). Today I realized how mental running really is. I love it!

Closing in on the finish line...

My official time - 39:13. I jogged the entire race and was so proud of myself, and I came in under 40 minutes. Previously, I'd only run 20 minutes or just about 1.5 miles without walking.

Jen, me, Lindsay and Ann. Serious amount of support in this group.

Jen and Ann - two of the most empathetic and fashionable ladies I know.

The Pack! And as Kris would say, "Rawr!"

I can't wait to see what else is instore for this group.

Two of the most selfless people I have ever met! Liz and Kris are so giving of not only support, but also time. I was so glad to be able to get to know each of them a bit more this weekend.

The biggest moment for me today was listening to Elle talk to Jen. Jen asked how Elle she felt about completing the 5K. Elle replied with, "It was great. I can do something that normal people do." At that point a woman leaned over and said, "No, you just did what alot of normal people can't do!"

Thank you, #PriorFatPack for encouraging me and inspiring me! I am so blessed to know each one of you!!

Playing Catch-Up

Darn the wheel of the world! Why must it continually turn over? Where is the reverse gear? ~Jack London

With the end of the school year approaching (only 11 days left), the #PFP5K on the horizon, and children's activities in full swing, I seem to have slipped. Become unbalanced. I neglected blogging. So, I am sorry for my absence, and without further ado, here is what I have been up to:

School: Our year is quickly coming to an end, but last Friday we had an awesome opportunity. I nominated my class to read bonus questions on "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" at the WUCW station, and they were selected. After weeks of memorizing and preparing, our field trip was a success, and my students will be aired during June and July. So proud!

#PFP5K: The 5K is Memorial Day. The past two weeks I had let my exercise slip...as in, I didn't really do anything. This week, with motivation from all the PFPers, I got my groove back. I have now completed week 5 of c25k. I stepped off the comforts of the treadmill and ran outside for the first (and second) time and even ran 20 minutes without stopping. I am feeling strong. I am feeling like a runner! Oh my....did I really just type that? :-)

Family activities: Soccer season is in full swing for my son and husband, and my daughter is gearing up for the upcoming spring recital. These are crazy, busy times that I love...even when it means rushed dinners and missed exercise classes.

Weigh-in: 164.6 (-27.6 lbs.) I have made progress, but it has been slow going recently. Honestly this week has been a bit of a struggle. I have been hungry~I want to eat, but I want to eat things that I don't have self control with. I am working through it. After eating 6 oreos (and going over my calorie goal) the other night, I realized that they were only ok...and they didn't make me feel better. Actually they made me feel worse. Guilty. So, I am trying to remember that "let down" as I trudge through this week. It will get better, and I will learn from my mistakes and challenges.

Lazy Man Triathlon: While at the Y a week or so ago, I signed up for the Lazy Man triathlon. I have 6 weeks to complete 112 biking, 26.2 running, and 2.5 swimming. The part that I like best is that you can take some classes to count towards your completion. I can take a spin class and it counts for 12 miles. BodyStep counts towards running. Also, you can do the activities with or without equipment. I am hoping that stepping out of my comfort zone, and trying new classes, will help me reach my goal weight by the end of summer. Signing up for the PFP5K showed me how much support there is, and how trying new things can prove way beyond beneficial - they can be life changing!

Goodbye 24

192.2-168.2=24 lbs. lost!

Fit and Validation

Yesterday I weighed myself. The scale read 170.4. But, as the day went on, I got nervous. Maybe I read it wrong. Maybe it said 174.0. By last night I had convinced myself that because I hadn't worked out in days and I was near or just over my calories all week, that I must have made a mistake.

Sometimes the mental part of this journey is the worst. It tries to get the best of me.

This morning I got on the scale again (I know...don't weigh yourself day, and usually I don't). I had to prove to myself that it wasn't 174. It read 168.6! A new set of tens!

With the confirmed number, I thought today would be a great day to try the smaller jeans (size 12) that I bought a couple weeks ago. They buttoned when I bought them, but they weren't comfortable because they were still tight around my middle.

When I put them on, they fit.

I am wearing them and honestly am still in a bit of disbelief. They aren't loose. They hug my body. I know that's how they should be. But, for some reason not having the mental comfort of loose fitting pants, my brain today is thinking that I am back to where I was 23 pounds ago (when 16s were fitting snuggly).

It's like when my pants were loose it was some kind of validation for my mind. A daily reminder that I had lost weight. Today with pants that fit, that validation is gone. It's a strange feeling. I honestly know I should be feeling proud of my accomplishments thus far, instead of doubting where I am. Oy!

Has anyone else experienced this feeling when you actually wear clothes that fit? How did you overcome it? Do share. Thanks, friends, for all of your help and support!

The Mile (and Other Random News)

Saturday I experienced something I have never experienced before. Ever.

I ran an entire mile.

Sure, I have completely plenty of miles, but all the previous ones included walking breaks (or even walking the whole thing).

In the morning I went to BodyStep class at the YMCA. I love being pushed (positively) by the instructors, and engaging all or my muscles, but after class I still had this nagging in my brain to try the treadmill.

So in a NSV, I actually got on a machine after my 60 minute class. That was another first - sad, but true.

Once on the treadmill I decided to see if I could run the first 5 minutes straight. I did. And then I tried to make minute six. I did. At that point I has almost to 1/2 a mile, so the mind game started. Could I really run the whole mile? The answer was YES!! It took me 13.28, but I did it. I ran for 13 minutes and completed a mile.

************************

In other news, or lack thereof, I haven't worked out since Saturday. It's on the agenda for tonight after the kiddos are in bed.

And, today was weigh-in Wednesday. Nothing really changed, and I am still at 170.

I need to find a new workout schedule that works for me and the family(now that swimming lessons and soccer practice have been changed or added to the mix). Hopefully I can tinker with it this week so that next week will be more consistant.

What are your current goals on this journey?

Just a Quick Note...

...to say I did it! I donated 6 stuffed, garbage sized bags, full of clothes.

Honestly, as my husband drove us to the donation site, my head was swirling inside. Second guessing myself about wanting to get rid of them - you know, instead of just putting them in the crawl space.

But, once they were out of the car it was almost freeing! I never have an excuse to wear any of those clothes again. I never have an excuse to be that big again. That's huge.

And, with no more excuses, I am continuing to move on with this journey!

Not an Ideal Situation

Being fat, losing weight, putting it back on, and then trying to lose it again is not an ideal situation.

I grew up fat. I was always one of the biggest girls in my class. My friends, for the most part, never made my weight a big deal. But I wasn't stupid. I couldn't shop where they did or wear what they wore.

I vividly remember when I joined my HS tennis team. We all go issued tennis skirts and their wasn't on in my size. I took the largest on they had (probably a size 12/14 - I was a size 18/20) and my Grandma graciously made a pattern and created an identical, but larger skirt for me. I paniced turning in shirt order forms because I didn't want people to know that I needed an XXL. Sometimes that size wasn't even offered.

Then senior year I took all my stress and anxiety about school and going to college and controlled the one thing that I could. My diet. I began exercising and eating right. I lost weight and loved the feeling of not being the fat girl. As the year progressed and college drew near I clung to weightloss. I exercised excessively. I restricted my food intake, and I popped diet pills like candy. I graduated wearing a size 10 and weighing around 145. I was skinny, but far from healthy!

So, when I met Jon (my darling husband) and began to regain real control of my life, I obviously put on some weight. The first few pounds I knew would happen. I was feeding my body again. Those were needed additions. Then a few more pounds stuck during our engagement. I wanted to lose a some weight before our wedding (I was around 165, size 14) but had already ordered my dress, and decided to lose it later that summer. That didn't happen.

In early 2004 I got pregnant. I ate healthy and put on the reccommended weight. Life was great. Two weeks after having Tyler I was around 180 (a size 16) and I couldn't lose anymore. I was working full time, going to school full time, and raising an infant son. Life was crazy. I gave myself a pass...but honestly, I didn't know where to begin. The only way I'd ever been successful with actually losing weight in the past was by extreme measures. I knew that I couldn't do that again. So, I did nothing but justify my size. I figured that a size 16 was better than the 20 I once was.

A couple years passed. We had a daughter, Sophie. I still only managed to get back to a size 16. And there I sat...for the past 3 1/2 years.

Now I am not a size 16. I am no longer stuck in the 180's.

I am working on truly being healthy. Balanced.

But, because of my past, I have had a hard time mentally with my recent progress. I am mindful that I need to keep moving forward. Challenging myself. I don't want to ever again think that something is okay, because atleast it's not as bad as it once was. If it's not fantastic, then fix it!

However, I don't know what to do with all the clothes - 7 years worth - that I removed from my closet. I don't want bins of clothing laying around. I don't want them filling up my closet. But, I don't know how to part with them. I keep thinking about what would happen if I put the weight back on. I have no intention of, but the thought of failure is still very real for me.

Being fat, losing weight, putting it back on, and then trying to lose it again is not an ideal situation but, that's the situation that I'm in. And, I'm learning how to work through it.

Purging

Who would've thought that something like cleaning out your closet could such a rollercoaster? Surely not me. It started a few weeks ago and I don't think that the ride is over yet.

I was elated when I was too small to fit into my pants. Good-bye 16s! I went and purchased some 14s and all seemed right again in the world (well, atleast my world).

Then, a couple of weeks ago at the PFG Coffee and Converstation event, Jen, said that should get a medium instead of a large t-shirt. I have always worn XL, so I thought I was doing great with the L, but I listened to her advice. She proceeded to remind me that clothes should be snug, not tight, to fit and flatter your body. I bought the M. For a few hours I hesitated to try it on, worried that it wouldn't fit. But when I finally gathered enough courage to put the shrit over my head, I couldn't have been more thrilled. It fit! I wore it for the remainder of the day and even slept in it that night. I still can't believe that the tag on something that fits me actually has an 'M' on it.

So, back to the purging. I took Jen's advice and started to pick through my closet. 7 years worth of pants, shrits, sweaters, shorts, and dresses...loose. Too loose.

At first it was fun to take the clothes out. First went all pants and shorts. That seemed easy. Something about getting rid of that number was cathardic.

Next up were the sweaters. My collection of sweaters was quickly reduced by more than half. I love sweaters. This is where I started to panic. My closet was becoming rather bare.

The it was dresses. 4 dresses gone. 3 remain, but they are ones that haven't fit since I've had children. This will be the year for those cute A-line summer beauties.

Finally came the shirts. Panic about my lack of clothing had set in by this time. I took out shirts that were way too big. Honestly, though, I kept quite a few just to have clothes in my closet and because that "just in case" bug hit. Not sure why...just in case I run out clothes, just in case I put weight back on....

Proud of the clothes that I purged, and I know that there is still work to be done. I have to deal with the "just in case" bug and realize that this is all part of the change.

On the brighter side, my husband suggested a stop at the outlet mall on our way back from Duluth. I was able to purchase 5 shirts, a pair of khakis for work, a dress, and a size 12 pair of jeans (those are a little tight, but they button, and will fit soon) for around $100.00. Not quite as much as I removed from the closet but it's definately a start~

Short

Sorry, I am having one of those weeks where I don't feel like I have much to say and life has gotten a wee-bit busy. I am short of words, so here is the short summary of the past seven days.

* My weight is the same as last week.
* I feel like I have no clothes that fit nicely (many are loose giving lack of shape).
* I had a NSV by working out at 10:30 on Tuesday.
* Bummed I haven't worked out since then (big things happening at work today and it's consumed my time).
* C25K is in my future - I am excited to get another workout in tonight.
* It's clear that I still need to work on balance. (more on that on a later post)

Happy Friday! Make it a great day!

Relationships

Recently Ann posted about her struggle to define relationships now that she is changing to a more healthy lifestyle. See was looking inward.

It got me thinking - looking inward at where I've been and where I'm going - and my relationship with others. I believe that I have three categories of people in my life. They each come with a positive, and like with anything, there are great times to use them, and other times when something else would be more handy.

All too often when we are making positive life changes, those around us don't comprehend what those changes entail - for us or for them. Some have never been in our shoes and can't relate to the struggles and successes that fill our lives. Others have been there and aren't quite ready to begin the process of change.

Those that haven't been in these shoes (who could eat what and when they wanted, who have never struggled to be active, and who could shop at any store they choose) can listen but not often relate to stories. In the past, as I have lamented to a friend about really wanted Sour Patch kids and having that consume my thoughts, these types of friends look with an unsure eye or simply say, "oh...ok..." They are great motivators, because geez, who wouldn't want to shop anywhere and be innately active, but aren't the best to find comfort in on rough days.

Those that are not yet ready to make changes often think that we are judging them. I believe, that for many on this journey, there is nothing farther from the truth. I know what it's like to feel unattractive, to struggle with guilt, and to push it off for another day. I don't want to judge you, I want to support you. If you aren't ready for change, that's fine. We all need to do things when we are ready...otherwise it just won't work. I am on this journey for me, now, because I am ready. I'll be there if and when you're ready too. These friends are great to chat with, especially about those struggles (but don't get caught up in a pity party), but I sometimes feel unable to share success because I don't want to upset them or feel braggy.

And, thankfully there are friends that have been there and done that. These are the most valuable connection. These gems can relate to the struggles and are in place where they can honestly help to celebrate others' successes. Just remember, you are on your own journey. Learn from them - don't try to be them!

Pounds and Inches

And that, my friends, means that the first twenty are gone!

I also went back and reviewed my measurements from the start of this journey.

Here are the old vs. new.

Natural waist - (39 in.) 35 in. - loss of 4 inches!

Hips - (47 in.) 43.5 in. - loss of 3.5inches!

Bust - (42 in.) 39.5 in. - loss of 2.5 inches!

Thigh - (24 in.) 23 in. - loss of 1 inch, per leg!

Upper arm - (13 in.) 12.5 in. - loss of 1/2 inch, per arm!

And, that means a total loss of 13 inches off my body.

Conversations

"Put down that Diet Coke. You aren't even supposed to be drinking pop."

"No, you don't need another slice of veggie pizza. You have had enough."

"Get out of the candy dish. M & Ms are NOT healthy for you."

These are phrases that I have been know to say. Usually they are directed to my children. This weekend, though, they were in my head. That internal battle of mind and body.

I struggled this weekend. All I wanted to do was eat. Food that is usually easy for me to pass up caused me to fight with myself. These foods are in my world. With a family, I can't ban foods. I want to learn self control so that I can live a balanced life.

Pizza is a part of life. We have pizza night at least once a month. They have control. They eat until they are not hungry (usually a piece or two) and are done. Why can't I do that? This weekend I wanted to eat until I was stuffed. I didn't, but then my mind kept thinking about the leftovers in the fridge. I knew if I caved into the temptation that I would be fine temporarily, and then I would feel guilty. I didn't cave. But it took until the next morning to stop yearning for that stupid pizza.

Sunday was a repeat, but this time with M&Ms that my husband bought while running errands. The whole family likes peanut M & Ms. I can't tell them not to eat them because I lack self control. I need to find balance. I had a small hanful, but wanted more. Despirately. Thank you to my blogging friends, Sabrina and Ann, who offered some kind words via Twitter. I needed outside encouragment. Thank you, girls!

So, this weekend was tough. I had converstations with myself and via Twitter that helped immensely. I made it and hope that I will have a better grasp on this week.


How do you handle those stressful moments filled with temptations? What helps you get through them - places, peoples, sayings?

Help! My iPod Needs YOU!

Okay dear friends, yesterday I did my second c25k workout. I felt great, but realized that I have one HUGE problem. My iPod music is lacking. I must have had to skip 30 songs (because the were s-l-o-w) during my workout - and it really started to get annoying. I need upbeat music to help me keep a good pace and pass the time.

What music do you like to run to? Please comment or email me. My iPod and I appreciate it.

Successes

The past 24 hours have been wonderful and slightly surreal. Here are some reasons why:


1. I compromised at lunch. I had packed my own food, but my Grandma had the kids and I over for lunch. I had a small serving of spaghetti (instead of my packed lunch), but then I did have the serving of fruit that I brought. Well balanced and a good example for my children.


2. I was able to exchange a dress and sweater at Old Navy for a smaller size! I am in love with the dress and can't wait for the weather to cooperate so I can wear it.


3. My husband helped prepare an amazing dinner of steak, mashed potatoes, and brocolli. I enjoyed a serving of potatoes, lots of brocolli, and 1/2 my steak. I left the table satisfied - not stuffed and guilty.


4. I went out in the freezing rain to get to the YMCA. Normally I would have let the inclement weather be an excuse for staying home.


5. At the Y I completed the first workout for the c25k program.



6. I was still smiling after the workout. I actually enjoyed myself.


7. I burned 285 calories. Not earth-shattering, but way better than the zero I would have burned staying home.

8. This is what the scale read this morning. 172.8!! That's a total loss so far of -19.4 pounds.

What have been your successes this week? Do share!

Good-bye Comfort Zone....Hello 5K

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. ~N.D. Walsch

As I read that quote on a blog last weekend it captured my attention. There is something so true about it.

5 months ago when I submitted an application to Jen to become a PFG I was so nervous. I didn't tell many people, and when finalists post were published, it took me a few days to even mention it on my own blog.

Writing about my journey and sharing it publicly was uplifting. I have found some wonderful supportive bloggers through that process. I find inspiration in their stories and appreciate the thoughts that they share.

So, when many of these wonderful blogger friends mentioned doing a 5k together, I was all in. I went out of my comfort zone and was welcomed warmly into the #priorfatpack. Thanks guys!

Now, let the training begin!

Guten Appetit

The past couple of weeks I have really focused on planning.

"Failing to plan is planning to fail!"

I have thought through my meals for the week, and made a mental list. Fruits and vegetables fill my cart, followed by meat - lots of chicken, milk, eggs, and bread (white for the kiddos, and wheat sandwich thins for me). I have cut way back on buying foods from the aisles, and what I have bought I have really been trying to watch the nutrition, especially calories and sodium.

**********************

Typically during the week my breakfast looks like this:

The containers are vitamins, and I pack a protein bar. I know that some may argue that that isn't the greatest breakfast, but it's what works for me. I don't have much of an appetite right away, so I can eat my protein bar at school while my students have their morning snack.

This is lunch:

A salad, chicken breast pieces (~2 oz.), fat free dressing, fresh fruit, and yogurt.

My afterschool snack varies. I love the peppermint stick Luna bars, but often snack is a fruit (apple has been the one of choice), or some cocoa dusted almonds.

The other thing that has been really important for me to pack daily is water. Lots of water. I try to get atleast 8 glasses a day before I am done with work. I bring two 32oz. bottles of water with me every day.

**************************

Tomorrow I won't be packing a lunch. I am on school break for two weeks. I am super excited for the time with my kids, but this is a bit nerve-wracking for me. It is much easier to eat a salad when that is the only thing that you have with. At home, on break, there are other options.

In the past, breaks have been a struggle for me. I have a huge issue with not-eating with my kids. I believe that when they eat, I should be having a meal too. But this break I have planned and I am ready!! I am ready to continue what have been working on since January - leading by example - days full of well balanced and nutritious food.

The Do

One of my favorite things is getting my hair cut. I love the little change, and the polished look that you get with a trim. I love the 'me' time, and I adore my stylist and getting a chance to chat with her. Tonight was a good night.

A Lifetime Ago

It seems like a lifetime ago when I last stepped on the scale and it read a number like this.

It really hasn't been a lifetime, but it might as well have been. It was March of 2004, and I had just found out I was pregnant with our first child, a son (you know, the one who turned 6 last November?!). I still have the doctor's records that said I was 171 that fateful day.

So, today I was elated when the scale read a number solidly in the 170's. And, to top it off, I wore the next size smaller in pants. That's a size that I haven't fit into in 7 years too.

Today was an amazing day!

Honestly, with conferences at school and having a nasty cough, I haven't worked out like I wanted to. I didn't think that the scale would have moved so much. But in my reflection, I realized that I didn't give myselft slack this weekend. I didn't work out, but I still stuck to healthy eating.

Sure, we ate out. The difference this weekend was that I choose the healthy option. I didn't give myself the excuse to enjoy a few fries or to choose the grilled sandwich. I had salad.

I had salad and I didn't feel deprived. I didn't let myself think about what I was "missing." I didn't have the pity party for myself about "why do I have to eat this?"

I made good choices because I wanted to. For me. For my kids that have never seen my body this size.

New 10's (Weigh in Wednesday Edition)

Today, I finally broke into a new set of tens. I am out of the 180s and elated to join the 170s.

That's -13.2 since January 3rd. Not as good as I hoped, but noting to shake a stick at either. I know that I need to increase my exercise, as that is the first thing that I let go when things get stressful or busy, so that will be my goal over the next month. The more I move my body, the more the scale will move downward too. Who knew?! :-)

How are you re-energerzing this month? Do share!

"Seeing" It

(1.7.11)
(2.16.11)

My clothes are looser, my belt can be tightened two more notches, and my stomach doesn't extend past my boobs.

But, honestly there are days where I feel like I haven't made much progess. I can't wear the next size smaller (without having muffin-top). My stomach still resembles that of a 5-month pregnant lady. I was the biggest girl at Step class on Sunday night.

This journey isn't fast. I think that's part of what makes it more difficult to actually see the change.

It's not like chopping off your hair or dying it a drastically different color.

It's slow.

It's subtle.

And, I guess that's how I need it to be. I need to work for this. I need to make changes that are going to take time to learn and become routine. Changes that are going to last a lifetime.

But, on days where I am feeling lackluster about my progress, I am grateful to be able to look back at photos and see the differences. They are subtle, but they are most definately there.

I am shrinking Sara!

Sundays

When do you restock your kitchen with healthy and delicious foods?

Is there a day or do you make multiple trips during the week?

I am not really sure how or why, but Sunday has become my new grocery shopping day. I love it. I plan our meals for the week and head out. And, because usually our Sundays are pretty quiet (well, atleast until Step class at 4pm and swim lessons at 5pm) it allows me time to clean and cut all the produce for our week. It's so true - fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Mini-Goal #1 (Check)

Today I hit the "ten pounds lost" mark and couldn't be more excited.

It's a few days past my original goal date, but some poor eating choices set me back a few days.

Better late than never though.

Now on to losing the next 10!

This and That

I have been getting into the routine of attending BodyStep at the YMCA on Wendesday, Saturday, and Sunday. I actually look forward to going! For me, that's huge. Last Wednesday I had to miss class because we had family over and I was bummed. This is a good thing.

However, I know that I need to mix things up a bit. This week I am going to try to do the 30 day shred atleast 3 times. And, I would really like to try some other classes at the Y, but honestly, I am chicken. I hate being the only new one in class - and I psych myself out before I go - I had some bad experiences a while back. Anyone a Y member (or live in the N metro - I have guest passes) that would want to meet up for a class sometime? Let me know. I could totally use a buddy.

****************************

This week I will hopefully meet my first goal - losing 10 lbs. Trust me, I'll keep you posted.

I decided that meeting my "treat" for reaching my first goal is just going to be some satisfaction and pride knowing that I am on the right track. But, once I get under the 80's I am going to treat myself to a shirt and bracelet from the PriorFatGirl store. Working out in the future PFG shirt will be awesome.

****************************

My darling husband recently bought me a heart rate monitor/pedometer, but it doesn't work the way I was hoping. It calculates calories burned based on steps. It said I burned 180 calories after 60 minutes of BodyStep class - so wrong! Do you have recommendations on a great (but not uber expensive) heart rate monitor? Thanks for your suggestions!

***************************

Have a great Monday and enjoy Valentine's Day~ as an elementary school teacher we'll be celebrating by frosting cookies (the kiddos, not me) and playing word games.

Weigh-In Wednesday

192.2-182.8= 9.4lbs lost!

I promise to have other posts coming soon. This past week has been crazy - as sick son, 3 days out of my classroom, and visiting in-laws coming today. Thanks for all of your kind words of encouragement and for sticking with me during my dry-patch of posting.

Weigh In Wednesday

Mix It Up

I love pasta. My kids love pasta.

One of my favorite pasta dishes I learned from my mother-in-law. An easy version of chicken cordon bleu. It has baked chicken, wrapped in sliced ham and swiss cheese, covered in marinara sauce and served over noodles. I haven't made it in months.

While shopping this week I bought Dreamfield's pasta in attempts to eat as normal (you know, not cutting out an entire food group) and yet healthy as possible and we made the penne tonight.

I made hamburger meat sauce for the kiddos - their fave.

But then I mixed it up (my current dinner and favorite recipe, that is). In a small bowl, I mixed some sliced deli ham (only 45 cals. a serving) into classic sauce (70 cals) and served with a proper portion of noodles. It was delicious.

And, honestly, I feel inspired to try to mimic some of my old faves, but with a new lighter twist.

What's your favorite lightly twisted recipe?

Balance

These past two week have been crazy.

A new quarter started at school - after our 3 week break and an inservice day complete with awesome speaker. While on break my head was swimming with things that I needed to change or improve upon during Q3. My time and efforts have no been consumed with making these improvements (rearranging the room, reorganizing books, making more interactive bulletin boards, etc.).

During break I had gotten into a routine healthy eating and exercise. Although there was no real schedule. I am proud to say that I have been able to maintain the healthy eating. I have packed lunches daily and planned better meals.

Unfortantely, I haven't mastered an exercise routine. During break it was often in the morning, but after breakfast when the kids were settled playing. Now our mornings are rushed. I tried to set the alarm extra early to get up and workout. It didn't work. At night my time has been filled with my children (homework/baths/time together), dinners, packing lunches, and preparing for the next day of school (lesson planning or grading).

I need to find balance! I know that I need to exercise, and honestly I want to (it's the getting started that is the hardest part for me).

What helps you keep commited to exercise? What is your routine? How do you stay balanced?

Thanks for sharing - I really need your help, friends!

Wordless (Weigh In) Wednesday

(-5.6 lbs.)

C is for Cookie

Weigh-in Wednesday 187.2 (-5lbs.)

I know that it is said that you shouldn't deprive yourself while on the weight loss journey. Just have a little bit to satisfy the craving and be done. Only one problem with that - I am not good at having a little bit. So, until I have more control (which I'm working on), I just don't want to temp myself.

But, I have been really (I mean REALLY) wanting chocolate sweets for the past few days. Maybe it's the brownies and cookies that my students bring for snack each day, but darn, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I knew I needed to do something to clear my head. But what?

Then I remembered a vegan cook book that I own (yup, I was vegan for about a year...for fun) had some cookie recipes. I tweaked one to better suit my craving and my family's tastebuds, and they are delicious. I had one. I consider that a victory for today.

Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies with Peanut Butter

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

In one bowl mix 1 cup white flour, 1/2 cup rolled oats, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda.

In another bowl combine 2/3 cup granulated sugar, 1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, and 2 tablespoons creamy peanut butter. Stir until all ingredients are incorporated.

Add in the dry ingredients. Stir. Mix in 1/2 cup chocolate chips (karob or dairy free chips, or nuts or dried fruit would be yummy too).

Bake for 12-14 minutes.

Makes roughly 2 dozen cookies.

Ramblings

How many of you can say you've done frozen turkey bowling? Well, after driving 300 miles, my kids can. We spent the weekend visiting my in-laws. It was a nice trip, but it was filled with eating out, lots of time sitting in the car, and very chilly weather (-33 F on Sunday morning).

The PFG event was this weekend. I really wanted to go! Honestly, as I read blogs on Friday speaking about the upcoming weekend event, I felt like that girl in high school who couldn't go to the popular kid's party because she had to be with family. Don't get me wrong, I loved my weekend with my husband, children, and parents, but I was still bummed to miss such a cool event. Next time. Definitely next time.

I was very conscientious about my food choices this weekend. I know that I didn't eat as healthy as I would at home, but part of that was due to what was available. I did my best, and next time I know what to bring to help me be more successful. Oh, and did I mention that I did the Shred DVD? Yes, I brought it with (much to my husband's dismay) and actually did it. I didn't even stop when people came into the room. That is HUGE!

Well, tomorrow I go back to work. I have my breakfast ready (a protein bar and banana), lunch (chicken breast, lettuce, yogurt) and snack (apple) packed, and water bottles filled. I am ready for a successful day. How about you?

Weigh-In Wednesday

That's an overall total of -3.6. I'll take it! Happy Wednesday everyone!

Little Eyes

It finally dawned on me this weekend, while baking with my daughter, that indeed her and her brother's eyes are watching me.

Sunday Sophie was helping me make popcorn cake. When we had all the gooey popcorn mixture in the pan she said to, "Mom, you can't have any."

"Why?" I asked, honestly thinking she would comment about it not being healthy.

"Because, Mom, the last time you made this with Greatsie, you picked out the green gumdrops. We aren't supposed to pick at our food like that, so you can have any," was what she replied, in an oh so matter-of-fact manner.

She was right. In December, when my grandmother (her Greatsie) and I made it for Christmas, I picked out the gumdrops I didn't like. I didn't think that Soph noticed. And if she had, I didn't really think that it mattered.

And then it hit me. This girl isn't just paying attention to me in regards to large things (not swearing, buckling my seatbelt, etc.), she is watching me. Every. Single. Thing. She is absorbing. Processing. Learning.

So, after our family function, when I really just wanted to relax with the family and watch a movie, I changed into workout clothes. I put in a workout DVD and I shredded.

While I exercised, she would walk in the room, do a move or two and then go back to the livingroom for the movie. She didn't say anything, but I know that her eyes were watching. She was absorbing. And, hopefully she is learning - just like me.

Soph, exercising with me on Friday, being my "Helper Girl."

Packing a Lunch

I don't about you, but weekends are often filled with family events that ultimately revolve around a meal, and today was no exception.

We were invited to my uncle and aunts house for lunch and snowmobiling. Lunch was fried fish, which honestly I don't really like. In the past, I would have had a small bit of fish just to be polite, and then whatever the sides were.

But today, I brought my own lunch. I packed a spicy Boca Chickn patty, salad, and light ranch dressing. It was delicious! I didn't feel deprived or tempted by the other foods. But, was it rude? How do you handle eating with others when you know what is being served isn't the best choice for you - eat before, bring your own, or just eat very little?

Leaving a Friend Behind

Yup, I did. I started this journey and left my dear a friend, Diet Coke, behind.

You might think that I am kidding, but DC and I have been through alot. She was there on late nights during college, and all my tired days of new-parenting. She offered up some caffinated energy, and most importantly comfort. But, on this new journey - the one to be healthy (not just skinny) - we had to part ways.

Recently there have been studies about the effects of artificial sugars on the body. Claims that they cause one to crave sugars/carbohydrate, that they can cause muscle issues, and the list goes on. Soda pop, diet or not, can effect your teeth, causing cavities and darkening your teeth. The sugar, real or fake, is not in the best interest of my body. So, since we weren't on the same page regarding my healthiness, we parted ways.

It has been 3 days since I have had pop. This is not to say that I am never going to have pop again, but when I do, it will be in moderation (which is a lesson I am learning). And, this journey has helped me embrace my love for a new friend, water - someone does have an interest in my health.

Shredding

I broke out the 30 Day Shred DVD. Again. I tried doing this before, and honestly, I only lasted a few days. Then, I let life (and excuses) get in the way.

Today I completed the whole first workout - with a few 5 second breaks. I really wanted to stop after the first circuit and was getting ready to make up some lame excuse. But, I didn't! I stuck it out.

Here's the proof.

I may not do this daily. But on days when I don't go the YMCA for a class, this is going to be my tool for working out.